I have a confession to make.

I play the Sims 3.

No, no. That isn’t the confession. Sure, it’s a certain level of nerdy that some people wouldn’t appreciate, but I still know other people who love to play the Sims.

I just take mine very, very seriously. I put in an epic amount of thought into my gameplay to the point where I attempted to make one Sim, Elle, fall in love with her boss, Jared. I wouldn’t let them talk about work around each other because I didn’t want them to be reminded that Jared was her boss and that them dating would be inappropriate. Because, you know, Sims think logically like that.

Eventually, they did fall in love and moved in with each other (and Jared’s creepy brother), and then, out of nowhere, Jared proposed to Elle without me telling him to. I was a ridiculous amount of annoyed that he did something that monumental without my permission. When I was going through his friends to see if he had any that Elle could cheat on him with, I discovered that he actually not only has an ex-girlfriend, but also a daughter. I then proceeded to become annoyed when neither his ex nor his daughter wanted to talk to him on the phone, and ~retaliated by getting Elle pregnant.

I really, really need a life.

In other, almost-as-pathetic-news, I am overexcited about the fact that I have nearly mastered bridge shuffling cards in the air.